Gratitude

I just have a lot of thoughts this morning on Gratitude.  Overwhelmed really.

Gratitude doesn't come easy to me unfortunately.  It isn't so much that I'm not grateful for the things I have... but I am always wanting to move forward.  Accomplish more, tackle more.    It is a blessing and a curse.

So one of my goals for this year, is to learn to be content.   I have learned that contentment is not the same as idleness, or "settling."    I can be content with what I have, grateful for what I have....and still move forward- desiring to be better.

For some reason, that was an "Ah-Ha!"  moment for me.

Lately, I have been reading a book series "The Children of The Promise."    I've never been much of a reader, but this series has consumed me.   It is based during the time of World War 3.    It follows an LDS family and the changes and struggles the war causes for them.  One child served his mission in Germany just before the war broke out,  one child becomes a POW for the duration of the war, one child dies in battle, and their daughter joins as a nurse to do her part.

If anything teaches you gratitude and what really matters... this book does.   Amazingly,  the war wasn't THAT long ago... and yet we have forgotten much of what our grandparents sacrificed and dealt with.  

Lex and I have been through some financial struggles.   Not nearly as much as some (most in the world)... but none the less and struggle for us.    It has taught us gratitude.  It has taught us not to take things for granted.  It has taught us priorities.

We aren't perfect. Lex is more perfect than me by far!

It has always been hard for me to "live like no one else now, so we can live like no one else later."  Dave Ramsey anyone??   It is hard not to feel envy of those our same age or younger that seem to have more.   But in the last few months, we have had a change of heart.  Things just don't mean anything.

My heart switched from wishing I had certain things, to not even caring.  Instead of living in envy.... I no longer have a desire for things outside of our means.   I recognize that we are so blessed.

In fact, we live in luxury compared to most of the world.  I'm grateful for hot showers whenever I need it.  I'm grateful that we have shelter from the wind and cold.   I'm grateful that we can communicate with loved ones through phone, e-mails and even snail-mail.  


Today, I'm just grateful.  I hope you are too.

My New Life

A new life you ask?  Yes.  I am that serious.

The last year(s) have definitely been a transition.  I’m hoping to do a “year in review” post soon. Still working on that.  But for now, things are good.  My bishop and good friend kept telling me to wait out the storm and wait for a rainbow.   I doubted.

Big time.

But the rainbow came.  Everything isn’t butterflies and flowers….but it is better.  And we are happy.

I started a new job this last Monday, and I start full-time next week. I feel so blessed to have gotten the job.  It isn’t an entry level job, and frankly, I feel humbled to have it.  However, it is perfect for me.  The only way I’ve been able to sum it up to people is its like been drum major again!   So how did I get it you ask?

I interviewed for a job that I didn’t really want, but felt peace with.  A financial assistant position at OSU.  But it was full-time with benefits and I figured it would help get my foot in the door to higher up administrative positions.  I’ve been really bored with “monkey work.”   I just need to use my brain!  Even if its hard… I just didn’t want to be bored anymore.  (I am currently the receptionist at the Stillwater Honda dealer). 

Anyway,  I interviewed for the job and it went very well, I thought. I waited and waited and gave a follow-up call almost 2 weeks later.   To make a long story short, she ended up calling me and offering me a different job. A better job.  A fantastic job.

And this is where I lose all my professionalism and tell you how EXCITED I am and how much I LOVE my new job.

I have my own desk! My own office!  My own keys!  No more having someone else’s junk on my desk, or inappropriate music, or smoke smell.   Controlling my environment is a huge help to my anxiety…so having my own office is definitely a plus that I didn’t think I would have for years.   And of course there will be as much pink and yellow as possible.  Happy work environment! 

My duties are many and various!  Everything from basic filing, cleaning all the way to handling the finances, scholarships, student enrollment etc for the entire department.  I would just post the job listing…but it still kind of overwhelms me to think about it! Haha!

The other department assistant has been there about 10 years and she said it will take about a year to learn everything and be on my own. So luckily, there is lots of nice people and training available.  I feel blessed to have such happy, and helpful co-workers.   I’m not sure if I’ve ever worked somewhere where people enjoy their job.  It is refreshing.

 My days are busy, with multiple tasks…but laid back.  It is also such a blessing to be in the Fire Protection and Safety department. Being from a firefighter family, and my husband pursuing that as well…. I love the firefighter environment at work.  It makes my heart warm to see all the helmets and gear.   Such a fun childhood!!  (Thanks Dad!!) But I don’t think I will get to ride on any fire trucks any time soon. :(

Along with this change, Lex has started to do more of the housework. WHY DIDN’T WE DO THIS SOONER!!  He loves to cook. I hate to cook. He loves to clean. I hate to clean. Why have we been beating our heads against a wall for 3 years haha.   For now, it is working for us better that it has in 3 years.  We are both happy doing what we love. 

I guess the issue has been me trying to be someone I’m not.  I’ve been trying to be the perfect wife who cooks and cleans and makes everything perfect.  But seriously…when Lex takes me to staples to look at planners for a date night… its makes me think I’m a freak.  But it is who I am.  And I am finally accepting that.   I’m not saying I will never do anything for the home again.  But we are finding out what skills we both have and working with them, instead of against them.

Aside from that, we have our Christmas tree up and most of the Christmas decorations in place.  We had a fun night together on Sunday putting everything up while listening to Christmas music!! I love this time of year. I just wish it lasted longer.  I might turn into one of those “before Thanksgiving people” just so I can celebrate longer!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

So I Don't Waste Time

Quick post today!

This morning I woke up, and while still half asleep, had the most solid spiritual thought come into my head.

Jesus Christ did all that He did, so you wouldn't have to waste  time with Satan.

Sounds like a weird spiritual thought to me.  But I wrote it down anyway so I could ponder it later and see what it meant for me.     As I have thought about it this morning I realize what it meant for me.

We all waste so much time on Satan. We give him too much power. 

We ask "how far can I go?"   Instead of having the desire to choose good.   We are focused on not losing ground instead of focusing on gaining ground.   We spread controversial topics like wildfire on the internet instead of using that same power to share the message of Christ.    And even more simply, we endure sin and pain, pride, and all manner of heartache too long before we turn to Christ and ask for His healing power.   

I know not everyone wastes time with Satan...but I am seeing too much of it within myself, and seeing too much of it within those around me. 

We have Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father on our side.  We can do amazing miracles for this world. We can heal and help and uplift.

But first, we have to stop wasting time with Satan.  Stop giving him the minutes of the day that you could be using to bring you closer to Christ, and to make this world a better place.

Looking Back on the Mission....

A tribute to Lex's Mission that is.   

Today marks 3 years since Lex got home from his mission!  I kind of think of it as my mission too....except a lot less work than he had to do.   This post is going to be all over!  2 years of memories in one post!

Missionary Girlfriends kinda get a bad reputation...  mostly because some are crazy.  Luckily, I wasn't crazy.  (Ask his parents and you'll probably hear a different story...)      It has been 3 years today since Lex stepped off the plan...and let me tell you... it is just STARTING to get to the point where we can talk about the aspect of being away from each other that long without feeling sick to our stomachs.

I had made the decision to wait faithfully without dating.  There are many types of "waiting" but I chose to not date.   I wrote every week, and sent him packages whenever I could.  He did the same.  We also sent tapes back and forth where we just talked without having to send a 10 page letter!

So lets start at the beginning.  For those of you who don't know, 24 is "our number".  We became "official"  on the 24th and after that....it was just our special number.    On our first date (I'll have to write a whole other blog post about that!) we went to Mandarin Palace and it was the first time I had ever eaten Chinese like that.  I loved it and became addicted to egg rolls immediately.   It was our thing to eat there every month on the 24th.    And I continued that while he was on his mission.  I didn't miss a month.  It was my official countdown!

I also have a box of all the fortunes I got.... but that makes me sound weird.... so we'll just move along.

Anyway....  He left for his mission June 24, 2009.  God blessed us from beginning to end.  The two weeks before his farewell,  I was going to MDA camp with my cousin for a week, then I would be home one day... and then fly to Colorado for Drum Major training and I would get back the morning of his Farewell talk.  Then he would leave 2 days after that.   Ugh... still kinda makes me sick to think about.    So I went to MDA camp and that was a good trial run for us.   I even wrote him a letter from the hotel.   

Then when I got home we spent the entire day at This is the Place in Salt Lake.  I was communicating with my friend Torie the whole time because something had gotten messed up with our drum major tickets.   Long story short,  we were both thrilled when the trip got cancelled and I gained another 3 days with him before he left!!

Ah... so many memories.. I could write a book instead of a blog post... so I'll skip to his mission. We won't dwell on the goodbye.       It is sufficient to say I cried a lot.

I kept busy while he was gone and we served as a support for each other.    I checked the mail religiously.  Often making my mom text me the SECOND something arrived.

Then it was time.  HE WAS COMING HOME!!    His original arrival date was June 29, 2011 but because his mission president was leaving for home as well they changed it to June 22!!

Not that I was counting....

This change was a miracle in Lisa land because that meant he would be home for June's Chinese food date :)  No more dates with my mom.  (I mean that in the nicest way possible mom!!)

I drove to the airport with his family and as we pulled into the parking garage I couldn't even believe it.  In fact, I stepped out of the van and my MIL looked at me with this concerned look and said ... um Lisa...  Lisa... ?    Then I kinda teetered and then jumped out of it and realized I wasn't BREATHING!  She was like LISA KEEP BREATHING!!    His siblings got a good chuckle. I literally stood there and forgot to breathe.    After what seemed like longer than the mission itself.... we saw him!

Lex coming off the plane!!

It was the best day of my life! (up till we got married of course SPOILER!)

We went to the bird refuge the next morning and we haven't been away from each other since.  Literally....have not spent one day apart since he got home.   And I'm trying to keep it that way. 

So go away scout camps. 

Lex is the most amazing man I've ever met. He is honest to the core and just GOOD.  I am so lucky that not only did I get to marry him.... but I got to share his mission with him and his family. 

Spreading Good

 I have some confessions... lets get started.

• I have been struggling lately with keeping my anxiety and depression at bay.   Its exhausting pushing out negative thoughts every minute of the day. 
• I'm tired of seeing controversial subjects lighting my newsfeed
• (I even shared one yesterday in hopes people would shut up. (p.s. it didn't work)  )

So what do all of these have in common???

My dear husband shared this yesterday and it was an answer to my prayers.    I was reminded of so many conference talks...so many quotes... and tons of advice that told me to simply worry about adding GOOD to the world, not fighting the bad.

I may not be able to fix all the bad...but I can choose not to contribute to the bad and controversial.

Instead of focusing on pushing out my negative thoughts -- I am going to proactively seek out good thoughts.

Instead of sharing my two cents on the latest controversial topic-- I'm going to share truth, enlightenment and joy.

Who wants to be reading about controversy all day??  Seriously....its depressing.   But then again, I don't even watch the news.   There is so much pain and sorrow in this world, but that isn't what I want to focus on.  I like to keep my focus of concern on things I can change.

Lets have our newsfeeds reflect GOOD.   And I'm not only saying religious.  I'm talking about pictures of nature, of family, inspiring quotes and articles, compassionate stories, stories of hope.....

That is my new focus.   Yes, my blog will document the challenges I face, but I share in hopes of inspiring.    It is time to pull up my boot-straps and get to work in making the world a better place instead of letting my pride try to "win the arguments."

I sometimes wonder if we spent as much as uplifting people as we did trying to prove we're right...how much better would the world be?

What if we spent as much time selling people on the goodness of Christ instead of the goodness of the latest movie.  The same could be said for tons of things we "sell" or focus on.     What if all of that time we spent arguing about things the media tells us is important was spent on actually helping people?     Again, wouldn't the world be a better place??

I think it would.



Whether it is in our brains, or on our newsfeeds.... lets commit to bringing light into the world instead of contributing to the darkness.    Don't wait for good things to come,  seek them out.

Articles of Faith 1:13

This is me

You'll notice its been a while since by first post- and I think this will explain things a little bit.

I got another answer to my prayers today about this blog (yup I pray over my blog!).  I first got the prompting to start a blog about a year and a half ago and its been in the making ever since.  Little by little, I believe the Lord has guided me to writing.      I finally got the "go ahead" in church one Sunday so I made the name, got social media pages ready for it....and started writing.  But something just didn't feel right.   After watching General Conference this last April, I figured out what it was.... I was not connected to the blog. I had made it completely anonymous and separate from any of my other profiles.   I told myself it was for security...but really I wanted to be able to say whatever I wanted, share the Gospel, be me....and not have anyone know it was me.

How horrible is that?  

After the talk from Elder Russell M. Nelson, I knew what didn't feel right. I had to let my faith (and any struggles) show.

General Conference April 2014

So from there it took me another month or so to come up with this concept.  And once again.... I started...and it didn't feel right.   Tonight I shared my concerns with my husband and told him how I wasn't sure if I wanted to open myself up to the world.

I've always been a "shut up and buck up" person.  I keep my troubles to myself and expect little help from people.     But these last few weeks I have found myself going to my faith, and some blogs to help me ease my troubles.  Tonight, as a read a favorite blog of mine I thought.... I wonder if I'll ever be able to help people like that?

Then, as I studied I ran across a CES Fireside.  Elder Cook talks about the dangers that come when we "wear a mask" or act out of character.     Then, once again, I knew.    I have to be me.  I have to accept myself for who I am....and then be okay sharing me with others.   No one is perfect... so why do I hide my trials?   Truth is... I have spent a lot of time hating myself.  Sometimes I can't bear up.

Obviously, there are still things that shouldn't be shared on blogs...but how can I expect to help and uplift people if I'm not me.

I wouldn't want to blog because  "I didn't want to be depressing" "I didn't want to offend" and "I am afraid people will treat me different."    But that doesn't matter to me anymore.  I want to help people more.   And to be frank...writing is the best therapy I have had in a long time.  I need it for me.

So from now on...this blog is unedited Lisa.   I'm actually still in the process of finding who Lisa really is.  So aren't you lucky you get to be on the journey with me??

I'm not saying we should all focus on all of the negative things in our lives....but we need to stop pretending to people that we are perfect.  And we also need to stop putting ourselves above others and insisting that our trials are "worse."    I can't tell you how many times I have been hurt by people saying I wouldn't understand, because "I have no trials."   I guess it is a blessing that I come off as a well put-together lady without heartache. Truth is... I don't talk openly about much.    Truth is.... a lot of people struggling don't talk openly.

I've told my husband countless times that I wish I just had a broken leg or something visible.  Not to get pity....but so people would stop expecting things from that I can't give. Sometimes, people expect more than I can give because my trials are not seen from the naked eye.   I submit most people feel this same way.

We are all going through something in this life.  Life is hard. Sometimes I sob at a picture of Jesus Christ...just because I want to be with Him so badly.  But He didn't leave us here alone.  Heavenly Father sent us to Earth with many resources including the Holy Ghost, and other people to help and uplift us.  It is a baptismal covenant to mourn with those that mourn and comfort those who need comfort.  Then why do we spend so much time comparing our trials with those trials of others'? 

It seems like a waste of time.  Let's just get to work.  Let's find solutions instead of self-pity.

Never say never....

I said I would never start a blog. 

Never say never!

So what made me cave? Well, its a long story.

But I feel like everyone has a story to tell, a song to sing.

I want to add my story to the thousands on the internet. 

Life isn't easy, and we need each other to make it through. When I have struggled, aside from my faith,  I have went to many blogs for comfort. 

We are all struggling with something, and joining arms with others creates strength. 

I want to share my story.

It isn't much....but who knows...maybe someone will benefit. I'm sure the little

no-man blog posts that helped me the most

had no idea that anyone would even read them. 

I don't know much about my specific purpose here on Earth yet.  God gives it to me

little by little....not all at once. 

So I'm still finding it.  But I do know it is everyone's purpose to help each other,

so I can start with that. 

I'm mostly blogging for myself (ugh how selfish is she?). 

I love to write.  Don't let it be confused that I am a writer. 

There is a big difference between those two statements. 

I write for therapy. I write to get the thoughts out of my head so my anxiety can move on to another

thought. 

I write to process my thoughts, beliefs, and feelings so I know what

I need to work on and I can spot flaws in my logic.

See, like just now....I realized how complicated I am. 

So I'll stop being complicated:

Welcome to my blog! If you like it, I hope it inspires you. If you don't like it, 

there are thousands of other blogs you might enjoy.

Have a great day!